I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
