Did you just see the Batmobile???
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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