no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
