my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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