don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
