i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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