He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
