Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's shark week go big or go home
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
