Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
