so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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