The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
