My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
