If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize