careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
