On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
