My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
