Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Actions speak louder than pants.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
