I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
