I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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