I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize