Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
