I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
