this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
