Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
so much tequila, so little girl.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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