Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So much Jack, so little girl.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
