Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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