I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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