mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
