glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
