There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
