1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
