batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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