i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
