...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
