were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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