apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
