If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
