Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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