video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
