I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize