Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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