If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
