Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize