So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
