Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
