I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize