In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
