i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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