There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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