I want to walk on stilts...naked
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
