I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
