Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
