Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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