careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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