Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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