Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
