Please, let me fuck your mom
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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