dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
