New invention idea: vibrating tampons
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
