Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
