Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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