having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
