fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
