So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
