I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
