I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
