I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
