You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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