Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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