His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
