He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
where does the pee come out of this thing
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
