you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
