Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
