I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
