ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
