i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
