Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize