and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
did you just send me my own nude
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
