never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
