you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
