did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
