Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
