nut hugger
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
