do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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