I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
God, I missed his penis.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
