So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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