i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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