Yo dont text me then not text me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize