I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
