Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
