I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
