Kiss
Puke
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
