is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
